Contented Christmas Chaos!

So my first Christmas as a free women is here!

I send my love to all the ladies who are spending Christmas away from their families at Her Majesty's Pleasure. In particular my thoughts are with my lovely friend who used to ring me in the middle of the night from the end of her garden, who has now been recalled (please see previous blogs) and also Joanne Dennehy who has a lifetime in jail ahead of her.

My Probation officer told me last week that hardly any of her clients have been allowed Christmas ROTL this year. This is incredibly sad and my hope for 2016 is an intelligent and informed reform of the prison system to enable rehabilitation and not just  punishment.

My Christmas involves my eight children, my Scottish friend (see previous blogs), my 18 year old daughter's boyfriend, my ex husband who has sadly had a stroke aged 45 and my involvement at the local church - tomorrow we have two crib services which I am playing for.

Happy Christmas to all who read my blog and all the best for 2016!

Thank you all for you support

Open Letter to my Daughter

February 10th 1990, when you were born, was completely and utterly the best day of my life. I had waited for you for nearly four years, four years of being desperate for a baby, desperate for you - that perfect being who I could give all that unwanted love to.

I was just 20 years old when you were born. I didn't realise it then, but I was a very fragile and damaged 20 year old. I now know I have attachment disorder caused by my turbulent, abusive childhood. However, at that time I thought I was invincible. Bringing you up to have everything I didn't have was my most important desire. 
Loving you was easy. You were loved and adored and wanted every minute of every day, both by me and by your dad. Night after night you had colic and we paced the floor for hours and hours, cleaned up the vomit, and calmed your screams.
Once the colic was over we had your food refusal issues to deal with, and your UTIs. You seemed to always have something going on. You were labelled a "failure to thrive" baby and after scans and investigations we were told you had urinary reflux which meant daily antibiotics for the next two years, something you fought against with every single dose.
At a year old you became very ill with pneumonia and were hospitalised. You forgot how to walk and had to be fed through an NG tube. But, being the bolshie child we knew, a few days later you pulled your tube out and started to get better.
Your sister was born when you were 15 months old and boy were you unimpressed! You were so important to me and so totally loved that I was scared I would not have room to love your sister. I couldn't believe I could possibly manage the strength of feeling I had for you and also feel that way about another child. But I did, and also for the next six siblings!

Your childhood was not easy, not for you and also not for me and your siblings. You were an astounding and amazing child. Highly intelligent, you were my mini me. With a thirst for knowledge and hyperlexic I was so proud of you. Getting you the right education was an issue right from the beginning. You struggled to fit in and, although a high-flyer academically you had so many problems with other people. We tried so many different schools. Looking back, with a different background and family support I may have made different decisions, may have let you struggle in one environment in the hope you would succeed. But, being so young with no support, and determined to give you the best, I tried and tried to place you somewhere you would be happy. Your happiness was my number one thought throughout your childhood.

Skipping forward to December 2015... you are my only child who really struggles with my two years in prison. Although you have never spoken to me about it, your black and white thought processes mean you think I am at fault. It's ironic really, your claim was the one I was found not guilty of.... 
You were diagnosed with Aspergers when you were 10. You were very unhappy then; it must have been so difficult to deal with being so different and not understanding why. You were bullied at every school; it didn't seem to matter how lovely the school.... I failed to ensure you didn't suffer. It broke my heart when other children picked on you because you were different. Schools hated me because I stood up for you, because I complained about their staff, because I refused to allow you to be unhappy. 
Yet, despite the suffering, school changes and depression, you managed to achieve academically and won a place at the flagship University of Warwick. I am so proud of all you achieved. In the first term you were desperate to come home, struggling to cope. But you had good support from the Uni Disability team, and then you met your first boyfriend which made a huge difference to your coping ability. Although you and he have parted now, he was there to support you when you really couldn't cope.

I haven't seen you for over two years. I wrote to you from the holiday camp and you didn't reply. I texted you when your dad had a stroke last month and you didn't reply. You stay in touch with your siblings and you are very vocal with them about your opinion of me. But, despite your amazing journalistic abilities you have been unable to articulate your opinions to me.
I probably confuse you. I, after all, have had two years to analyse and evaluate myself. I have come to terms with all my shortfalls. I have learnt about human behaviours and character faults. I have become calmer, more accepting, less judgemental. I have been able to investigate my childhood issues and look at how that abuse has affected me. 
You have a very specific and controlled persona, honed I am sure due to your need to be successful, liked, wanted and capable: all of which you are.

I am really struggling. You are spending Christmas with me, with us, with your family. Yet you are offering me cold politeness. I can't fault it, I can't state you are being openly rude or offensive. Yet your cold arrogance is chilling and hurtful. Your siblings deserve better and I deserve better. I am your mother, I brought you into this world, loved you , cared for you, supported you, gave you absolutely everything I could. I am human. I have faults and make mistakes. But so do you......

I love you. 

MEDIA MANIPULATION & ROTL REALITY

"Up to 100 killers serving life in prison allowed HOME for Christmas" 

screamed the headlines in The Daily Express this week. A pretty typical offering from the right wing tabloid press in the lead up to the holiday season. The article went on to express scaremongering fear that murderers, rapists and repeat violent offenders are among those to be released on temporary licence and carelessly and freely being given the enjoyment of a Christmas with their families.

Before I knew the joy of being detained at Her Majesty's Pleasure I knew absolutely nothing about prison. I had never known anyone in prison. I had never visited a prison. I did not understand how prison sentences work, how much time is served, what parole is, what an IPP prisoner is or what ROTL is. But, being an intelligent and mature individual, I had also never judged another person for becoming a prisoner. I had, of course, seen vitriolic articles in tabloid papers condemning and judging all those convicted and then sentenced to time inside. But my opinion is not easily swayed, as I am all too aware of political and social bias and the clever use of the written word! I like to look carefully into everything I hear, see or read about in this life for myself, and I analyse and evaluate, look at evidence, and try to come to a compassionate, but intelligent, conclusion.

So let's look at the facts:
ROTL or release on temporary licence is on offer to ALL prisoners. Each person has to meet the published criteria in order to be considered for ROTL. An application has to be made, and reports are drawn up from wing staff, Offender Managers within the prison, the Offender Supervisors on the outside (Probation Officers), the police and also agencies looking out for the victims of the crime. The prisoner then has to sit a ROTL board (imagine the hardest job interview you have ever faced crossed with judgement day...), and then sit and wait for the results.... This can all take months, and there are often knockbacks. Delays are common, especially when waiting for reports from outside probation.

Once (and if) ROTL is approved it does not get any easier!! The rules around ROTL are endless!! For a start you have to fight for the prison to agree and accept your full inventory of every minute of every hour you are away from the prison. This has to be written so accurately that the prison can contact you at any moment and know exactly where you should be and what you are doing. You cannot access any social media. You cannot have a mobile phone other than a basic one. You can only access the internet for rehabilitation purposes such as searching for employment or housing. You cannot drive. You cannot enter any licensed premises. ROTL is only approved if it fits in with your written sentence plan...and rightly so, as this is to ensure that ROTL is only used to aid rehabilitation and to prevent reoffending.

ROTL is also a gradually increasing release plan. It usually starts with supervised charity work or work just outside the prison grounds. This then builds up to Resettlement Day Release (RDR) for rebuilding and maintaining family ties, which may only be approved  and allowed to happen within the local area and then may eventually be allowed for a few hours at the home address. Finally there is Resettlement Overnight Release (ROR) which is also a gradually increasing ROTL, often starting with only one night away. And this is after the prisoner has proved themselves trustworthy on RDR for work over a long period of time! ROR is now only accessible for the last nine months of a sentence, another reduction put in place by the thankfully long-gone Chris Grayling.

I met many lifers in my time in the concentration camps. I mixed with the above mentioned murderers and repeat violent offenders, hated by the Daily Express amongst many others. I didn't mix with rapists, being in a women's prison it's rare, but I also mixed with sex offenders. As a mature, intelligent, politically aware, socially aware, streetwise and well worn middle aged woman and mother....... there was not one prisoner I met whom I would consider a risk if released on ROR for Christmas at the end of their sentence. Actually, not quite true! I spent a lot of time with Joanna Dennehy, currently serving a whole life sentence for three murders in 2013. She is not the person portrayed by the press at all, but still not someone who would ever be at the point of accessing ROTL. And, actually, on a whole life sentence she would never be eligible. You see the system in place to prepare a prisoner, especially a lifer, for possible ROTL is very robust. Yes, there are a tiny number of ROTL failures, and obviously these are blown up in the press for all to see, but it is such an important and positive tool for use in rehabilitation that it must be allowed to continue and encouraged.

In 2012 there were 485,000 ROTL days for prisoners in England and Wales. The number of ROTL failures, where an offence occurred, was 0.005% of these, or about 24. (The Prison Governors’ Association)   This is an incredibly low number and much lower than the re-offending rates of prisoners released straight into society.

It is easy to become emotionally swayed by the families of victims of crime. One cannot even begin to imagine the pain caused by the loss of a relative through murder. There can be no words to describe it. But, whatever we all think and believe as individuals, we have a criminal justice system that is bound by strict laws which were created and passed by the governments we elect. We must allow this system to do its job, and if a person convicted of a crime such as murder is given a set tariff, then that must be accepted by all as their punishment. Towards the end of that time each prisoner needs to become prepared for society and be allowed to gain, in some way, the skills needed to become a productive and crime free member of the community again. ROTL is a proven way to produce hard-working and resettled ex-offenders who can continue with a crime free life.

Something that I find very distressing is the opinion of many, especially the Daily Mail readers and many working in the Criminal Justice System, that once one offence is committed (or a conviction gained, despite an innocent plea) this automatically means the convicted person will always think or act like a criminal. I forgive the general public for believing the manipulated facts and biased reporting in the media, although I struggle to understand their naivety. But something seriously has to be done to educate our society about the human reality and stories behind the convictions.

At HMPs Bronzefield, Send and East Sutton Park I lived with women convicted of offences ranging from shoplifting, common assault, driving offences and minor fraud right along the spectrum of criminality to repeat grievous bodily harm, murder and child sex offences. I got to know many of these women very well, and indeed there is nothing you can hide from others in a female prison. We all had inside out knowledge of each other's crimes, stories, background and future hopes. Let me briefly tell you about some convicted murderers I know, just like those slated for getting ROTL at Christmas by the Daily Express and many of the general public. I have changed their names.

Julie was convicted of murder and sentenced to life with a tariff of 18 years. She was 19 years old with a young toddler when she was sentenced. Her daughter will be 20 by the time she is released (if she gets her parole). Julie had been through prolonged sexual abuse as a child and had an abusive partner. Before the crime was committed she was involved in a car crash, when she was heavily pregnant. She had to have her labour induced as the baby had been severely damaged by the crash. Her baby lived for a few days in the Neonatal intensive care unit then sadly passed away. Julie and her partner took many photos of the baby and suffered immense grief. At some point the camera, with the baby photos on it, was stolen by somebody they both knew. Unbeknownst to Julie, her partner went to confront the man who stole it. They got into a fight and the man sadly died. Julie was then forced by her partner to help him dispose of the man's body. She had absolutely no involvement in the murder, was not even there at the time, but was too afraid of being killed or hurt herself to refuse to help. Under joint enterprise laws she was convicted alongside him of murder and given an incredibly long sentence. She has appealed to all the courts available to her and struggles to address her "violent" offensive behaviour while in prison as she has none..... Julie was actually the person who reported the crime to the police.......

Sophie was a teenager who became enthralled with some older teens on her estate. A hard working college attender, who came from a loving supportive family, she was unfortunately quite easily led and was encouraged by the older girls to drink and hang around on the streets. One evening the group of teens decided to pick on a man who lived locally, believing some rumours about him. Sophie remained on the edges of the violent behaviour, but the man was hurt and many of the group were charged with GBH. Several months later he sadly died. Sophie was then charged with murder by joint enterprise and was convicted and sentenced to life with a tariff of 10 years. Sophie was only 17. She finished her education in a Young Offenders Institute and has spent all her growing up years in prison. She has shown no signs of any violent or offensive behaviour in prison. She is now 26 and in open prison accessing the ROTL system. For prisoners like Sophie ROTL is vital as she has not spent any time as an adult in society and is still very much a teenager.

Gillian was married for many years to an alcoholic. They lived in a first floor flat. One day they had a row and he went off to the pub to drink. When he came home Gillian told him to go and sleep it off and pushed him away from her with her hands on his chest. He drunkenly left the flat and Gillian went to bed. In the morning she found him dead at the bottom of the stairs up to the flat. Gillian immediately called the police and ambulance but it was too late. She loved her husband despite his alcohol issues and was distraught that he had died all alone. Gillian was convicted of his murder, despite no evidence or witnesses. She was sentenced to life with a 17 year tariff. Gillian, too, is struggling to address any offending behaviour as there is none.

For people like Gillan, Julie and Sophie there is very little achieved by such long prison sentences other than a harsh punishment for crimes that were beyond their control. These are just three examples of many similar stories I came across in the female estate. I did meet a very small number of women who had purposely and vindictively committed really horrendous crimes. For example the lady who stabbed her teenage children to death in their sleep, stabbing them 66 times in order to prevent her ex husband having access. She has a tariff of 33 years and truly deserves it. Also I met a gang of girls who imprisoned a young man with learning difficulties and tortured him for days. They too knew exactly what they were doing and deserve a harsh sentence.
But these women were few and far between. The women's estate is filled to the brim with our failures as a society. Our failure to support women with mental health needs, our failure to be there to help protect women with abusive partners, our failure to have robust addiction treatment programs, our failure to raise 'looked after' children successfully and on it goes.
Until we as a society accept our role in the past and future offending behaviour of members of our society, then we as a society have to stop judging and condemning those convicted of an offence. 
There but for the grace of God..........