Wednesday 29 December 2010

Being a Parent

When I was a child I assumed that I too would know everything when I became an adult, as if one day a magic switch would impart me with all the knowledge and answers necessary for life as a parent....

I am still waiting......

Due to growing up in the care system, with a very mixed up, volatile and difficult childhood, I have no good parental experiences to call upon when bringing up my own children.So I make it up, guess, weigh up my options, take other people's experiences, wing it....... and make a multitude of mistakes!

But surely I am not alone? Is it my own childhood insecurities that make me judge myself;  make me feel like less of a parent as I have no scale to mark myself by? Or are we all the same? Are all parents waiting for somebody else to tell them they are doing OK?

To those who introduce me as "that woman who has 8 children" or " doesn't your television work?", I have started my own family, my own family traditions and family memories, to make up for what I never had. 

I hope one day my children accept that I have done the best I could and that ultimately I have loved them totally and completely, and surely that is the most important part of being a parent.

Tuesday 28 December 2010

Christmas 2010

Christmas 2010 is now over.....


It's been a strange year, so many changes.

If you had asked me last January where my life would be today then I would have given you some very different answers.

So many ups and downs, changes and surprises. Learning who my friends really are, making new friends and losing old ones, but ultimately ending the year much happier than I started it.

So thank you to those who have stuck by me, and thank you to the lovely people I have met along the way, and to those who are now a big part of my life and my future.

2011 hopes and dreams:
Beau will eat more than crisps!!
Eden will learn to love another musical... (Titanic is fab Eden but really......)
Harris will find a way to conquer her ME and will regain her self-confidence and love of life
Brogan will find a place in life where he is happy
Chay will just carry in being her wonderful bossy self
Raefn will find a niche for that energy and inquisitiveness
Perry will find peace and happiness and security and know that she is loved totally
Jordan will remember that I have always loved her and will never stop even though she is all grown up

And as for me..... I have a future, a place where I belong and I have people who have helped me feel secure, self-confident and loved xxx Long may it continue xx