So my Scottish friend and I had an interesting experience this week!
I took my son, as always on a Thursday, to his National Theatre Stage Management course. The plan was for us to visit the Reform Exhibition at the Southbank while waiting for him!
http://www.koestlertrust.org.uk/pages/exhibitions.html
My Scottish friend. currently staying down here but still with no permanent decision, came along too!
When we arrived it was closed for a VIP event. Being very disappointed, and also struggling to know what we would spend three hours doing while son was teching, I decided to question what was happening, Spying the Sodexo name badges I was keen to discuss my own experiences at the hands of Sodexo! We ended up being invited into the VIP event by the CEO of Sodeo, Janine McDowell! She was very excited to have two ex-Bronzefield ladies at her event!!
It was an interesting experience! We met up with Simeon the chaplain, Caroline from education, Nathan one of the officers, the chief finance person, the guy who planned Bronzefield. We were approached by many as the token ex offenders!!
It was an enjoyable evening, with many opportunities to state all the issues faced by prisoners on a daily basis. To be honest both myself and my Scottish friend have very few issues with Bronzefield. The prison offers good work opportunities, good education, officers who treat people fairly, management who make use of prisoner skills and an excellent visitor experience with a family room.
We also met up with ex offenders who were tour operators for the exhibition, and it was lovely to find out later that a twitter friend had been one of the people we had met It wasn't great to watch Prison staff have a freebie on the back of prisoner art...... but I hope the Koestler trust continue their good work. I personally cannot draw or paint or sew to save my life! But I have seen first hand the good that Koestler offers to prisoners.
I bet we are the talk of Bronzefield this week!
Sunday, 29 November 2015
Alan RIP; my big (little) brother I love you.
It's my brother Alan's birthday tomorrow. He was born in 1966, 3 years 11 months and 17 days before me!! Being a mathematical prodigee, as a child I always quoted these figures!
Sadly I am now older than him. Alan died in September 2008. He died in Darwin Australia, I hadn't seen him in several years. He fell and ruptured his spleen, severely damaged because he was an alcoholic for many many years. He died from internal bleeding.
Alan and I went into care in 1975, we had suffered a very abusive and mixed up childhood. I was 5 and he was 8. We had been through several years with a lack of parental attachment and with parents who were immature, selfish and incapable. We went through a children's home and a short term foster home before being fostered by a very middle class and educated couple in Barnes. Their plan was to mould us into middle class successful individuals. We were both very intelligent, but unfortunately there was no awareness in those days of the emotional harm and attachment issues caused by such an erratic early years experience.
Alan always claimed he never had a childhood. He was so severely damaged by being taken from the parents he loved , albeit completely awful and abusive, that he failed to have any normal adult relationships. Looking at my own autistic spectrum children, and my dad who was obviously on that spectrum, and Alan and my half brothers who are also probably that way inclined, I am not surprised he couldn't manage in society and cope with a normal lifestyle.
Alan was my superhero, my only constant in an erratic and awful childhood... he was my north, my south (as the poem goes) ...
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Alan's life was destroyed by poor parenting and appalling Social Services care in the 1970s and 1980s. He never managed to live a normal life. He was an alcoholic and had such an addictive personality that everything was a struggle
Alan, I love you. xxx
Sadly I am now older than him. Alan died in September 2008. He died in Darwin Australia, I hadn't seen him in several years. He fell and ruptured his spleen, severely damaged because he was an alcoholic for many many years. He died from internal bleeding.
Alan and I went into care in 1975, we had suffered a very abusive and mixed up childhood. I was 5 and he was 8. We had been through several years with a lack of parental attachment and with parents who were immature, selfish and incapable. We went through a children's home and a short term foster home before being fostered by a very middle class and educated couple in Barnes. Their plan was to mould us into middle class successful individuals. We were both very intelligent, but unfortunately there was no awareness in those days of the emotional harm and attachment issues caused by such an erratic early years experience.
Alan always claimed he never had a childhood. He was so severely damaged by being taken from the parents he loved , albeit completely awful and abusive, that he failed to have any normal adult relationships. Looking at my own autistic spectrum children, and my dad who was obviously on that spectrum, and Alan and my half brothers who are also probably that way inclined, I am not surprised he couldn't manage in society and cope with a normal lifestyle.
Alan was my superhero, my only constant in an erratic and awful childhood... he was my north, my south (as the poem goes) ...
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Alan's life was destroyed by poor parenting and appalling Social Services care in the 1970s and 1980s. He never managed to live a normal life. He was an alcoholic and had such an addictive personality that everything was a struggle
Alan, I love you. xxx
Thursday, 29 October 2015
Attention!! Autistic Actor Ahead!
Tomorrow is a momentous occasion. My eldest son, 21, has a film casting in London. OK, so he has been to hundreds of castings and auditions, especially between the ages of about 10 and 15. So why is tomorrow such a different experience?
Well, he is actually, for the first time ever, able to go to this casting as himself; an autistic young man.
As a child he was on the books of two very well known and renowned agencies; Sylvia Young's Younguns agency and A&J Management. It was easy for my autistic performer to land a place with these agents. Monologues are a piece of cake for a repetitive mimic; he could copy every single inflection in my voice and learn some quite complex pieces almost parrot fashion. He passed LAMDA exams at Distinction level time and again. Having a musical protegee for a mother, who worked as a musical director, his genetic natural musicality and stunning singing voice meant that the agencies also loved his singing voice.
However, being diagnosed with autism aged three was something we were unable to mention or refer to. The child-performer world is a strange environment. Children are not cast based on their talent.... well, that comes into it, but unfortunately for a young autistic boy, the casting directors look at so many other factors. Which is why he found himself auditioning for, and being recalled for, Gavroche in Les Mis seven times without actually landing the part! Knowing my son, I guess I understand that he probably didn't make eye contact enough, or wasn't sociable enough with the casting team or the other children. But he would have been absolutely perfect in the role, with his ability to repeat the part in exactly the same way time after time, on top of his inside-out knowledge of the role and his belting singing voice. Equally he would have been perfect in Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and The Sound of Music, all of which he was recalled for several times without actually being cast.
Maybe we should have been able to let them know he was autistic. I do strongly believe that this should not have gone against him..... but sadly it would have. The children's casting directors he saw, who for some reason seem to have a monopoly over every show employing child actors, have a very controlling manner and were incredibly frightening to come up against. If he had been applying to audition as an autistic child he would never have even been offered an audition! These casting directors also have issues with parents, and will ostracise a child performer if they dislike the parent. (there is an article in the Daily Mail written by one of these at: http://tinyurl.com/no4ws9h). I often wonder if those who write the shows, or finance the shows, are aware that some of the best young talent is never considered for a role!
So, all in all it was never an option to discuss his disability and help him through the discrimination to land one of the roles he was born to play.
But tomorrow he is meeting a well known casting director who knows he is autistic and wants to meet him specifically for that reason! He is so excited, and yet he says it feels very odd. For his whole childhood he had to pretend he was something he wasn't, due to the attitudes of the CDs. And pretending you are something you are not is very difficult when you are autistic!
Perhaps I should have fought harder..... but the boost to his self esteem each time he had a West End audition or a tv casting was enough to make me think we were doing the right thing at the time. Unfortunately it backfired later when those same casting directors were unsupportive (and one of them downright vindictive) when it all came out about his autism and also the disabilities of his siblings.
So now we are all completely honest and open. I have a son with autism who is an amazing musical theatre performer and actor. I have a son with Aspergers who is a diploma level musician, an advanced dancer and a stunning MT performer. I have a daughter with chronic anxieties who is an outstanding actress and is studying performing arts. She hopes to go to Drama School next year, and I have a son who is deaf and has Developmental Dyspraxia, who has performed in numerous professional shows, including being a soloist at Glyndebourne, but is now moving into technical theatre. Look out Brit School, he is aiming high!
I am proud of what they have achieved, despite their issues, and I will continue to support them and to raise awareness of the need to fight disability discrimination in the arts.
Break a Leg tomorrow son.... I love you.
(Any casting directors reading this please check out http://www.visablepeople.com/)
Well, he is actually, for the first time ever, able to go to this casting as himself; an autistic young man.
As a child he was on the books of two very well known and renowned agencies; Sylvia Young's Younguns agency and A&J Management. It was easy for my autistic performer to land a place with these agents. Monologues are a piece of cake for a repetitive mimic; he could copy every single inflection in my voice and learn some quite complex pieces almost parrot fashion. He passed LAMDA exams at Distinction level time and again. Having a musical protegee for a mother, who worked as a musical director, his genetic natural musicality and stunning singing voice meant that the agencies also loved his singing voice.
However, being diagnosed with autism aged three was something we were unable to mention or refer to. The child-performer world is a strange environment. Children are not cast based on their talent.... well, that comes into it, but unfortunately for a young autistic boy, the casting directors look at so many other factors. Which is why he found himself auditioning for, and being recalled for, Gavroche in Les Mis seven times without actually landing the part! Knowing my son, I guess I understand that he probably didn't make eye contact enough, or wasn't sociable enough with the casting team or the other children. But he would have been absolutely perfect in the role, with his ability to repeat the part in exactly the same way time after time, on top of his inside-out knowledge of the role and his belting singing voice. Equally he would have been perfect in Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and The Sound of Music, all of which he was recalled for several times without actually being cast.
Maybe we should have been able to let them know he was autistic. I do strongly believe that this should not have gone against him..... but sadly it would have. The children's casting directors he saw, who for some reason seem to have a monopoly over every show employing child actors, have a very controlling manner and were incredibly frightening to come up against. If he had been applying to audition as an autistic child he would never have even been offered an audition! These casting directors also have issues with parents, and will ostracise a child performer if they dislike the parent. (there is an article in the Daily Mail written by one of these at: http://tinyurl.com/no4ws9h). I often wonder if those who write the shows, or finance the shows, are aware that some of the best young talent is never considered for a role!
So, all in all it was never an option to discuss his disability and help him through the discrimination to land one of the roles he was born to play.
But tomorrow he is meeting a well known casting director who knows he is autistic and wants to meet him specifically for that reason! He is so excited, and yet he says it feels very odd. For his whole childhood he had to pretend he was something he wasn't, due to the attitudes of the CDs. And pretending you are something you are not is very difficult when you are autistic!
Perhaps I should have fought harder..... but the boost to his self esteem each time he had a West End audition or a tv casting was enough to make me think we were doing the right thing at the time. Unfortunately it backfired later when those same casting directors were unsupportive (and one of them downright vindictive) when it all came out about his autism and also the disabilities of his siblings.
So now we are all completely honest and open. I have a son with autism who is an amazing musical theatre performer and actor. I have a son with Aspergers who is a diploma level musician, an advanced dancer and a stunning MT performer. I have a daughter with chronic anxieties who is an outstanding actress and is studying performing arts. She hopes to go to Drama School next year, and I have a son who is deaf and has Developmental Dyspraxia, who has performed in numerous professional shows, including being a soloist at Glyndebourne, but is now moving into technical theatre. Look out Brit School, he is aiming high!
I am proud of what they have achieved, despite their issues, and I will continue to support them and to raise awareness of the need to fight disability discrimination in the arts.
Break a Leg tomorrow son.... I love you.
(Any casting directors reading this please check out http://www.visablepeople.com/)
Monday, 21 September 2015
Every Case is Different......
I have concentrated on my Scottish friend rather a lot recently, and that is perfectly understandable as she is in a really dire situation that, unfortunately, is still not resolved. For those who are new to my blog please read my previous posts and let me know if you are able to help at all.
http://outofsync8.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/petrified-and-in-pain-prohibitive.html
All my prayers today are directed towards a resolution before she needs to leave for London tomorrow morning.
*********************************************************************
However, I do not want to appear on here simply as a Probation Basher :-)
I have been home for exactly four months tomorrow. It has been an incredibly stressful, tiring, busy, emotional, unpredictable and erratic time! I landed feet first and running; back to being a full time mum and with a major housing crisis to deal with. I also have children with specific needs which has added some spice to the mix!
Four months later I am in a good place. I have built a good relationship with my Probation Officer, who was originally very wary of me and mistrustful. This made me very wary of her too, especially with my attachment and trust issues. I am pleased to say, though, that we now have a good understanding of each other. I am an incredibly honest person, (often too honest) and have a very strong sense of fairness. Learning to be assertive while inside has really helped me to be very open about how I feel and about how I perceived my PO, and I think this has been an important part of our relationship building.
Housing has been incredibly difficult to deal with as, shortly after arriving home, I found myself and my children to be homeless. This is incredibly common with ex-prisoners, most local councils consider them to be intentionally homeless on release and this is a big reason behind re-offending. We have been living in temporary homeless accommodation, overcrowded and miles away from home, for 3 months, which has been really tough. At times I have wanted to just curl up in a ball and hide. But I have tapped into an amazing inner strength I discovered in prison and we are about to move into our new home, back in our home town and perfect for all the children. Being forced into this housing situation, however, has really strengthened the already impermeable relationship I have with my children. We have become an even closer, even more bonded group and I can only see a positive future for us as a family.
It is really common for prison leavers to struggle to find employment, sometimes for many years. Even though many prisoners leave with armfuls of qualifications and certificates, employers still see the criminal record first and the person second. So I am pleased to say that I have landed a job in the exact industry (social care) that I was aiming for! Not only that, but I was actually headhunted for the role, my musical skills being sought after in this particular area. Being interviewed by an ex probation officer meant a good understanding of what a criminal record actually means and that it was not going to be an issue.
My aims now are to continue moving forward in my personal life, and to continue to move forward with my deep and sincere desire to help change things for other prisoners, ex-offenders and those at risk of offending. I will continue to campaign for prison reform, continue to help bring cases such as my Scottish friend to public attention and continue to do whatever I can to make the lives of others better.
http://outofsync8.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/petrified-and-in-pain-prohibitive.html
All my prayers today are directed towards a resolution before she needs to leave for London tomorrow morning.
*********************************************************************
However, I do not want to appear on here simply as a Probation Basher :-)
I have been home for exactly four months tomorrow. It has been an incredibly stressful, tiring, busy, emotional, unpredictable and erratic time! I landed feet first and running; back to being a full time mum and with a major housing crisis to deal with. I also have children with specific needs which has added some spice to the mix!
Four months later I am in a good place. I have built a good relationship with my Probation Officer, who was originally very wary of me and mistrustful. This made me very wary of her too, especially with my attachment and trust issues. I am pleased to say, though, that we now have a good understanding of each other. I am an incredibly honest person, (often too honest) and have a very strong sense of fairness. Learning to be assertive while inside has really helped me to be very open about how I feel and about how I perceived my PO, and I think this has been an important part of our relationship building.
Housing has been incredibly difficult to deal with as, shortly after arriving home, I found myself and my children to be homeless. This is incredibly common with ex-prisoners, most local councils consider them to be intentionally homeless on release and this is a big reason behind re-offending. We have been living in temporary homeless accommodation, overcrowded and miles away from home, for 3 months, which has been really tough. At times I have wanted to just curl up in a ball and hide. But I have tapped into an amazing inner strength I discovered in prison and we are about to move into our new home, back in our home town and perfect for all the children. Being forced into this housing situation, however, has really strengthened the already impermeable relationship I have with my children. We have become an even closer, even more bonded group and I can only see a positive future for us as a family.
It is really common for prison leavers to struggle to find employment, sometimes for many years. Even though many prisoners leave with armfuls of qualifications and certificates, employers still see the criminal record first and the person second. So I am pleased to say that I have landed a job in the exact industry (social care) that I was aiming for! Not only that, but I was actually headhunted for the role, my musical skills being sought after in this particular area. Being interviewed by an ex probation officer meant a good understanding of what a criminal record actually means and that it was not going to be an issue.
My aims now are to continue moving forward in my personal life, and to continue to move forward with my deep and sincere desire to help change things for other prisoners, ex-offenders and those at risk of offending. I will continue to campaign for prison reform, continue to help bring cases such as my Scottish friend to public attention and continue to do whatever I can to make the lives of others better.
Sunday, 20 September 2015
Petrified and in Pain: Prohibitive Probation
Imagine finding out, aged just 49, that you have a heart condition. Imagine finding this out whilst incarcerated in prison, at the mercy of prison medical staff. Healthcare in prison is poor at best, every prisoner considered a hypochondriac who is swinging the lead to get stronger medication or a cushier ride. Imagine that heart condition getting increasingly worse. Imagine all the different medications you have to try just to be able to breathe and get through each day, and imagine how long it takes to actually get each medication when living in prison.
Imagine being taken out of prison to see the specialist while handcuffed to a prison officer. Imagine the fear of facing a potentially lethal condition, day after day on your own, knowing that every night you are locked up alone in a room, unable to summon help if you suffer a stroke or heart attack....
Now, jump forward four years. You have had two non-invasive, but still frightening and painful, procedures to try to solve the problem. Neither has worked. You have exhausted all the medication available. You are at daily risk of a stroke or heart attack and you urgently need a five and a half hour operation which is your last and only chance of a cure.
Imagine finding out you are finally listed for your operation, at your heart specialist's London hospital. Imagine the fear building up as you worry about being under general anaesthetic while parts of your heart are burnt away. But imagine the hope building up when you imagine a healthy future, a future where you can breathe properly, where your heart beats steadily and slowly, where you can once again be a productive member of society, where you can be the partner and family member you have struggled to be, where you can look forward to your wedding planned for next year, knowing you will walk down the aisle fit and strong.
My Scottish friend has her operation booked for Wednesday. It's an urgent operation and so she has been placed high up the list. But, as it stands today, she won't be going.........
She left prison 15 weeks ago. She served her time for a crime that she was manipulated into, that she admits was based on a wrong decision, and she has been a model prisoner. A first time (and only time I am sure) offender she is the lowest risk category. She has no direct victim, it wasn't a violent crime and she has nothing added to her standard licence. Those who have read my blogs will know that she left open prison in June as a textbook rehabilitated prisoner, with a full time job, a car, a partner and a new family. But, 15 weeks later, the Probation Service has managed to take away both her job and her car, and are preventing her continuing her relationship with her new partner. She is also isolated from her only family, who live in London. She is still unemployed and living in homeless accommodation in Scotland, nearly 600 miles from the place and people she considers to be home.
Nobody quite knows why KSS CRC are being so awkward and prohibitive. They still refuse to respond in writing, to communicate effectively with Scottish probation, PAS. the Scottish lady herself or her legal representatives. The local CRC office refuses to make any decisions about transferring her case to England or even about visiting temporarily while having this necessary surgery. They insist such an "unheard of" request to live with another ex-offender has to be considered by a senior officer from the National Probation Service. But there are many, many examples of two ex-offenders on licence living together and marrying without any of this kind of prohibitive and vindictive behaviour from their probation officers. Different agencies working with ex-offenders and also other Probation departments have confirmed this. Nobody can get to the bottom of the KSS CRC decision making. There does not seem to be a ruling or prison law that forbids this. There is nothing in either person's background or behaviour that would forbid this.
Whether or not a higher officer has to make the decision though is not the crux of this matter. The extremely urgent and life threatening issue is that the request for transfer was originally made over three months ago, the paperwork was sent (more than once), the hospital dates were known about, and yet......... still no decision or communication is forthcoming. Imagine how scared you would be about undergoing surgery, and how frightening to still not have confirmation that you can actually attend just three days before!
On Friday the Scottish lady visited her GP. She has been told that the stress caused by Probation's appalling behaviour towards her has massively increased her risk of stroke and/or heart attack. She has now been prescribed Diazepam on top of all the other daily medications she has to take to try to keep a serious heart attack at bay. The GP, who works four days a week in the prison service, has written a supporting letter. In it he states:
"I believe if she went onto a myocardial infarction/heart attack whilst placed on yet another waiting list, the Probation Office could be found medically and legally liable"
This letter has been e-mailed to Scottish Probation, PAS, the solicitor, KSS CRC and the senior officer who is refusing to deal with the situation. Ironically an out-of-office reply came back from that same senior officer, saying she was out of office until 23rd (the date of the operation.......). But for those of you who are technically minded bear this in mind.......
The out of office reply was sent, not as an automated reply, not with alternative contact details, but with a short sentence in it, FIVE HOURS after the email was received!! Slightly suspicious don't you think??
It seems that the Criminal Justice System can behave in any way they please, break any rules they like, make up rules as they go along. But ultimately, this is a human being. They are risking the death of a 53 year old lady, a living breathing human, who has a daughter, a partner, a sister, a niece and nephew, a whole new family.......
I hope they sleep well at night, I know the Scottish lady doesn't.....
Imagine being taken out of prison to see the specialist while handcuffed to a prison officer. Imagine the fear of facing a potentially lethal condition, day after day on your own, knowing that every night you are locked up alone in a room, unable to summon help if you suffer a stroke or heart attack....
Now, jump forward four years. You have had two non-invasive, but still frightening and painful, procedures to try to solve the problem. Neither has worked. You have exhausted all the medication available. You are at daily risk of a stroke or heart attack and you urgently need a five and a half hour operation which is your last and only chance of a cure.
Imagine finding out you are finally listed for your operation, at your heart specialist's London hospital. Imagine the fear building up as you worry about being under general anaesthetic while parts of your heart are burnt away. But imagine the hope building up when you imagine a healthy future, a future where you can breathe properly, where your heart beats steadily and slowly, where you can once again be a productive member of society, where you can be the partner and family member you have struggled to be, where you can look forward to your wedding planned for next year, knowing you will walk down the aisle fit and strong.
My Scottish friend has her operation booked for Wednesday. It's an urgent operation and so she has been placed high up the list. But, as it stands today, she won't be going.........
She left prison 15 weeks ago. She served her time for a crime that she was manipulated into, that she admits was based on a wrong decision, and she has been a model prisoner. A first time (and only time I am sure) offender she is the lowest risk category. She has no direct victim, it wasn't a violent crime and she has nothing added to her standard licence. Those who have read my blogs will know that she left open prison in June as a textbook rehabilitated prisoner, with a full time job, a car, a partner and a new family. But, 15 weeks later, the Probation Service has managed to take away both her job and her car, and are preventing her continuing her relationship with her new partner. She is also isolated from her only family, who live in London. She is still unemployed and living in homeless accommodation in Scotland, nearly 600 miles from the place and people she considers to be home.
Nobody quite knows why KSS CRC are being so awkward and prohibitive. They still refuse to respond in writing, to communicate effectively with Scottish probation, PAS. the Scottish lady herself or her legal representatives. The local CRC office refuses to make any decisions about transferring her case to England or even about visiting temporarily while having this necessary surgery. They insist such an "unheard of" request to live with another ex-offender has to be considered by a senior officer from the National Probation Service. But there are many, many examples of two ex-offenders on licence living together and marrying without any of this kind of prohibitive and vindictive behaviour from their probation officers. Different agencies working with ex-offenders and also other Probation departments have confirmed this. Nobody can get to the bottom of the KSS CRC decision making. There does not seem to be a ruling or prison law that forbids this. There is nothing in either person's background or behaviour that would forbid this.
Whether or not a higher officer has to make the decision though is not the crux of this matter. The extremely urgent and life threatening issue is that the request for transfer was originally made over three months ago, the paperwork was sent (more than once), the hospital dates were known about, and yet......... still no decision or communication is forthcoming. Imagine how scared you would be about undergoing surgery, and how frightening to still not have confirmation that you can actually attend just three days before!
On Friday the Scottish lady visited her GP. She has been told that the stress caused by Probation's appalling behaviour towards her has massively increased her risk of stroke and/or heart attack. She has now been prescribed Diazepam on top of all the other daily medications she has to take to try to keep a serious heart attack at bay. The GP, who works four days a week in the prison service, has written a supporting letter. In it he states:
"I believe if she went onto a myocardial infarction/heart attack whilst placed on yet another waiting list, the Probation Office could be found medically and legally liable"
This letter has been e-mailed to Scottish Probation, PAS, the solicitor, KSS CRC and the senior officer who is refusing to deal with the situation. Ironically an out-of-office reply came back from that same senior officer, saying she was out of office until 23rd (the date of the operation.......). But for those of you who are technically minded bear this in mind.......
The out of office reply was sent, not as an automated reply, not with alternative contact details, but with a short sentence in it, FIVE HOURS after the email was received!! Slightly suspicious don't you think??
It seems that the Criminal Justice System can behave in any way they please, break any rules they like, make up rules as they go along. But ultimately, this is a human being. They are risking the death of a 53 year old lady, a living breathing human, who has a daughter, a partner, a sister, a niece and nephew, a whole new family.......
I hope they sleep well at night, I know the Scottish lady doesn't.....
Thursday, 17 September 2015
DWP investigators, Lush and sidekick.....
I write this to the two men in ill fitting suits and without your shirts buttoned up, one of you dirty looking with bad skin, who sat and giggled at the back of court throughout my trial. While the most intrusive and sensitive details about my children were openly discussed, you two thought it was a game. You giggled, smirked and scribbled down comments that you rushed to the prosecutor.
I had to watch as you revelled in inviting the press into the prosecutor's office each morning, where you leaked info to them that not even I or the court had seen or heard yet. You encouraged the media to exaggerate information and your prosecuting barrister manipulated and exaggerated information; ironic really when you were prosecuting me for exaggerating my children's needs......
You delighted in my discomfort, it was your mission to have me convicted even though you knew all the details of my children's hospital visits and diagnosis. You had ripped my life apart, ripped my children's lives apart and all for political gain and a determination to win.
And the reason I write today?
I watched my son today. He is 21. He is autistic. Your conviction changed nothing, in fact it made life harder for him as you took away his support for two years and the only adult he really had a relationship with. He then started to fail, failed the college course we had worked so hard to get him onto and went backwards socially.
I don't understand how you think he can be two different people.You turn down his PIP because he can sing! You seem to believe he is "acting" the part..... that he is pretending to be autistic.
Come and live with him. Stay for a week, a month. I really don't mind. He is 21, he has no friends, he does not socialise. He does not use his facebook..... (it's me who logs in to check it and help him appear capable enough to be asked to do the theatre he loves to do). He does not check his emails.... (yep that's me too). I have to remind him to change his clothes, to wash, I have to unblock the toilet, filled up to the brim every time he has a poo as he cannot deal with toileting very well.
Still think he is acting?
He calls men 'sir' and women 'ma'am' (rhymes with ham lol), because he doesn't recognise people or remember their names, and he thinks this is normal polite behaviour. When you talk to him he has learnt responses, mainly 'point', which he has derived from people saying 'that's a good point', and 'sure'.
He loves trains, he has always been good with trains as you will remember, as you had me convicted over the fact that he took a train to stage school in London every day. He memorised the tube map aged 9. However, he doesn't sit down on trains. He wanders. He roams.
But when we moved recently and there was only a bus we had to do travel training with him. I had to print out colourful easy to read maps of exactly where the bus stops are that he needs. I had to take him to the stop, help him with the bus times, make sure I was there to collect him. 21 remember....Still think he is "normal" and just acting autistic?
He stays in his room probably 95% of the time, coming out for food when he remembers to eat. He's 21 now remember, you can't just call him a normal teenager anymore. The only food he eats is bread and cheese, pasta bolognaise made with exactly the same pasta and mincemeat and a selection of junk food. He drinks endless bottles of diet coke. the bottles and wrappers are discarded in his room. He doesn't just eat one he eats the whole pack. a whole box of jam tarts, a whole box of french fancies.
His only interest is fan fiction which he reads from his phone out loud, using different voices. He reads it very loudly, day and night. He giggles and laughs out loud at it. Still normal and acting? An unsafe witness you called him in your response to his PIP form......
When he is anxious he curls up in a ball, he shakes. He really cannot cope with changes. He shuts himself away. He can explode at the slightest thing.
You claimed he couldn't have become autistic as an adult as it is present from birth. Well yes, I know this as he was diagnosed at 3 and then again at 5 by Linda Souter and Gillian Baird's clinic at Guys. He was statemented from age 4 to 18. Yet you accused me of "conning" these leading experts, conning the education department who statemented him....
The saddest thing is that the jury fell for it. And my defence team was rubbish. TBH at the end of a 6 week trial I was in no fit state to make any decisions, and when the judge wanted it wrapped up so he could go on holiday and my barrister pulled my witnesses I figured he knew what he was doing......I was wrong.
My son is amazing. He can sing like no other, he is truly talented, but that doesn't take away his autism, anxiety, depression, lack of social and language skills. Yes he performs with local am dram, as you quoted in your refusal to award PIP, but go and watch him there. Go and talk to the directors. He doesn't socialise, he doesn't talk, he reads his fan fiction on his phone throughout the rehearsals and shows, but he adores performing as he is good at it and it makes him feel good. So I will NEVER stop him performing just to keep the DWP happy. I see disabled actors and performers every day in the news and on tv. They have not been hounded by false accusations, so why me? Why my son?
He has a lifetime ahead of him where he is really going to struggle. The positive side from you taking me away for two years is that he now has a social worker, an ASD support worker and a psychiatrist who all KNOW he is autistic, support him and are APPALLED at what you put me through, but more at what you put MY SON through.
I will never forgive you. Not for what you did to me, but for the damage you have done to my children.
I had to watch as you revelled in inviting the press into the prosecutor's office each morning, where you leaked info to them that not even I or the court had seen or heard yet. You encouraged the media to exaggerate information and your prosecuting barrister manipulated and exaggerated information; ironic really when you were prosecuting me for exaggerating my children's needs......
You delighted in my discomfort, it was your mission to have me convicted even though you knew all the details of my children's hospital visits and diagnosis. You had ripped my life apart, ripped my children's lives apart and all for political gain and a determination to win.
And the reason I write today?
I watched my son today. He is 21. He is autistic. Your conviction changed nothing, in fact it made life harder for him as you took away his support for two years and the only adult he really had a relationship with. He then started to fail, failed the college course we had worked so hard to get him onto and went backwards socially.
I don't understand how you think he can be two different people.You turn down his PIP because he can sing! You seem to believe he is "acting" the part..... that he is pretending to be autistic.
Come and live with him. Stay for a week, a month. I really don't mind. He is 21, he has no friends, he does not socialise. He does not use his facebook..... (it's me who logs in to check it and help him appear capable enough to be asked to do the theatre he loves to do). He does not check his emails.... (yep that's me too). I have to remind him to change his clothes, to wash, I have to unblock the toilet, filled up to the brim every time he has a poo as he cannot deal with toileting very well.
Still think he is acting?
He calls men 'sir' and women 'ma'am' (rhymes with ham lol), because he doesn't recognise people or remember their names, and he thinks this is normal polite behaviour. When you talk to him he has learnt responses, mainly 'point', which he has derived from people saying 'that's a good point', and 'sure'.
He loves trains, he has always been good with trains as you will remember, as you had me convicted over the fact that he took a train to stage school in London every day. He memorised the tube map aged 9. However, he doesn't sit down on trains. He wanders. He roams.
But when we moved recently and there was only a bus we had to do travel training with him. I had to print out colourful easy to read maps of exactly where the bus stops are that he needs. I had to take him to the stop, help him with the bus times, make sure I was there to collect him. 21 remember....Still think he is "normal" and just acting autistic?
He stays in his room probably 95% of the time, coming out for food when he remembers to eat. He's 21 now remember, you can't just call him a normal teenager anymore. The only food he eats is bread and cheese, pasta bolognaise made with exactly the same pasta and mincemeat and a selection of junk food. He drinks endless bottles of diet coke. the bottles and wrappers are discarded in his room. He doesn't just eat one he eats the whole pack. a whole box of jam tarts, a whole box of french fancies.
His only interest is fan fiction which he reads from his phone out loud, using different voices. He reads it very loudly, day and night. He giggles and laughs out loud at it. Still normal and acting? An unsafe witness you called him in your response to his PIP form......
When he is anxious he curls up in a ball, he shakes. He really cannot cope with changes. He shuts himself away. He can explode at the slightest thing.
You claimed he couldn't have become autistic as an adult as it is present from birth. Well yes, I know this as he was diagnosed at 3 and then again at 5 by Linda Souter and Gillian Baird's clinic at Guys. He was statemented from age 4 to 18. Yet you accused me of "conning" these leading experts, conning the education department who statemented him....
The saddest thing is that the jury fell for it. And my defence team was rubbish. TBH at the end of a 6 week trial I was in no fit state to make any decisions, and when the judge wanted it wrapped up so he could go on holiday and my barrister pulled my witnesses I figured he knew what he was doing......I was wrong.
My son is amazing. He can sing like no other, he is truly talented, but that doesn't take away his autism, anxiety, depression, lack of social and language skills. Yes he performs with local am dram, as you quoted in your refusal to award PIP, but go and watch him there. Go and talk to the directors. He doesn't socialise, he doesn't talk, he reads his fan fiction on his phone throughout the rehearsals and shows, but he adores performing as he is good at it and it makes him feel good. So I will NEVER stop him performing just to keep the DWP happy. I see disabled actors and performers every day in the news and on tv. They have not been hounded by false accusations, so why me? Why my son?
He has a lifetime ahead of him where he is really going to struggle. The positive side from you taking me away for two years is that he now has a social worker, an ASD support worker and a psychiatrist who all KNOW he is autistic, support him and are APPALLED at what you put me through, but more at what you put MY SON through.
I will never forgive you. Not for what you did to me, but for the damage you have done to my children.
The Positives inside the Negativity..... the Pollyanna principle!
Today on Twitter I was asked, by an ex prison officer, why I was so negative about prison and the judicial system. It is hard to be positive about such a dishonest and corrupt establishment that treated me so badly, but I thought I would try to list the positives found in my experience of being wrongly convicted and jailed.
So, positives.......
Being forced into such an alien environment really enabled me to analyse issues and mental health problems that I had spent my life compartmentalising. I was unable to control 'my community' in prison, and so I really struggled with my differences and the many years of low self esteem and attachment problems. My inability to trust, worsened by unforgivable betrayal by the criminal justice system who jailed me for a crime I didn't commit, was something I really had to look into.
So, I guess the positive thing is that I had a lot of time to really self analyse and, at the end of my sentence, after suffering PTSD from the bullying and discrimination in open, to start to talk to health professionals about my screwed up head and emotions. This I am continuing with, even though I am back to being able to control my life and community.
Another positive, probably the biggest one, is the people I met. And I don't mean the staff or officers! I met the most non-judgemental, caring and supportive people amongst the other prisoners. Women's prisons have their share of bullying and nastiness, but on the whole the women join together and form a strong alliance against the establishment. I am still in close contact with ladies I met inside, and I count them among my closest friends ever. I felt supported and cared for, especially in closed conditions.
Two years of free education was another positive. OK, so the education itself is pretty low grade, low level, but I was able to access courses I needed to renew such as First Aid, Equality and Diversity, Health and Safety etc. I have had to pay to do these in the past, so now I have up to date qualifications in the areas I need for my employment, and all for free!
I loved being able to support others. I loved using my skills, abilities and experiences to help other prisoners. From being a Peer Supporter, an Induction Orderly, a Toe by Toe Mentor, to being a Wing Rep, a Catering Rep, Employment Peer supporter, whatever I did inside I did to help others. Although it irritated the establishment (to put it mildly!), I was determined to use my brains for the good and was always there for my fellow inmates to write appeals, look up PSIs, call solicitors, go to hearings, anything I could do to stop people being discriminated against or being treated unfairly (rife in prison)
Unfortunately the negatives far outweigh the positives. It was a time in my life when I realised that I could never trust the very system put there to uphold the law, to be 110% honest and true. If prison is not totally without fault, totally fair and uncorrupt then it is a failure. Prisoners cannot learn honest behaviours when seeing daily dishonesty all around them from those trusted to care for them. In prison a prisoner cannot break the rules without being punished, however those same rules are broken daily by staff....
I now ask for everything in writing when I deal with probation etc. Too many times I have had verbal agreements or whole conversations strenuously denied by officers and staff. And of course they are always believed above the offender because they are 'professionals'
Shall I let you into a little secret?
I was in prison with MANY professionals! A judge, a police superintendent, police officers, prison officers, accountants, solicitors, teachers..... the list goes on.
The system needs to stop blindly accepting the word of POs, Governors, Offender Managers, police officers, barristers etc simply because they are professionals.
Prison is not working. Within the women's estate there is a lack of rehabilitation, a lack of real support for women leaving prison, a lack of understanding of the very different issues faced by women, often separated from children who are then cruelly removed into the care system.
It is understaffed, underfunded, filled with many low ability staff who really don't care anymore as morale is rock bottom. I did meet some good officers. They relished the chance to sit and chat with a prisoner who had awareness of politics and current affairs, they would often unload on me all the issues within the service and within their jobs. In particular there was a fantastic union rep in one establishment. He told me many things about the realities. I am sure he would be in a lot of trouble with the establishment if they knew!
Change needs to happen from the inside. But HMP hates an intelligent prisoner who points out the faults in their system. Especially when that prisoner can also tell them how to change the faults and make it work! But instead of feeling affronted and threatened, HMP should make use of these skills, freely and happily offered by a keen and active percentage of the prison population. A group of us really did try to change things for the better, but were belittled and put down at every opportunity. So it is really down to the staff on the inside to work at changing things for the better, and I will continue to fight from the outside.
So, positives.......
Being forced into such an alien environment really enabled me to analyse issues and mental health problems that I had spent my life compartmentalising. I was unable to control 'my community' in prison, and so I really struggled with my differences and the many years of low self esteem and attachment problems. My inability to trust, worsened by unforgivable betrayal by the criminal justice system who jailed me for a crime I didn't commit, was something I really had to look into.
So, I guess the positive thing is that I had a lot of time to really self analyse and, at the end of my sentence, after suffering PTSD from the bullying and discrimination in open, to start to talk to health professionals about my screwed up head and emotions. This I am continuing with, even though I am back to being able to control my life and community.
Another positive, probably the biggest one, is the people I met. And I don't mean the staff or officers! I met the most non-judgemental, caring and supportive people amongst the other prisoners. Women's prisons have their share of bullying and nastiness, but on the whole the women join together and form a strong alliance against the establishment. I am still in close contact with ladies I met inside, and I count them among my closest friends ever. I felt supported and cared for, especially in closed conditions.
Two years of free education was another positive. OK, so the education itself is pretty low grade, low level, but I was able to access courses I needed to renew such as First Aid, Equality and Diversity, Health and Safety etc. I have had to pay to do these in the past, so now I have up to date qualifications in the areas I need for my employment, and all for free!
I loved being able to support others. I loved using my skills, abilities and experiences to help other prisoners. From being a Peer Supporter, an Induction Orderly, a Toe by Toe Mentor, to being a Wing Rep, a Catering Rep, Employment Peer supporter, whatever I did inside I did to help others. Although it irritated the establishment (to put it mildly!), I was determined to use my brains for the good and was always there for my fellow inmates to write appeals, look up PSIs, call solicitors, go to hearings, anything I could do to stop people being discriminated against or being treated unfairly (rife in prison)
Unfortunately the negatives far outweigh the positives. It was a time in my life when I realised that I could never trust the very system put there to uphold the law, to be 110% honest and true. If prison is not totally without fault, totally fair and uncorrupt then it is a failure. Prisoners cannot learn honest behaviours when seeing daily dishonesty all around them from those trusted to care for them. In prison a prisoner cannot break the rules without being punished, however those same rules are broken daily by staff....
I now ask for everything in writing when I deal with probation etc. Too many times I have had verbal agreements or whole conversations strenuously denied by officers and staff. And of course they are always believed above the offender because they are 'professionals'
Shall I let you into a little secret?
I was in prison with MANY professionals! A judge, a police superintendent, police officers, prison officers, accountants, solicitors, teachers..... the list goes on.
The system needs to stop blindly accepting the word of POs, Governors, Offender Managers, police officers, barristers etc simply because they are professionals.
Prison is not working. Within the women's estate there is a lack of rehabilitation, a lack of real support for women leaving prison, a lack of understanding of the very different issues faced by women, often separated from children who are then cruelly removed into the care system.
It is understaffed, underfunded, filled with many low ability staff who really don't care anymore as morale is rock bottom. I did meet some good officers. They relished the chance to sit and chat with a prisoner who had awareness of politics and current affairs, they would often unload on me all the issues within the service and within their jobs. In particular there was a fantastic union rep in one establishment. He told me many things about the realities. I am sure he would be in a lot of trouble with the establishment if they knew!
Change needs to happen from the inside. But HMP hates an intelligent prisoner who points out the faults in their system. Especially when that prisoner can also tell them how to change the faults and make it work! But instead of feeling affronted and threatened, HMP should make use of these skills, freely and happily offered by a keen and active percentage of the prison population. A group of us really did try to change things for the better, but were belittled and put down at every opportunity. So it is really down to the staff on the inside to work at changing things for the better, and I will continue to fight from the outside.
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