Today on Twitter I was asked, by an ex prison officer, why I was so negative about prison and the judicial system. It is hard to be positive about such a dishonest and corrupt establishment that treated me so badly, but I thought I would try to list the positives found in my experience of being wrongly convicted and jailed.
So, positives.......
Being forced into such an alien environment really enabled me to analyse issues and mental health problems that I had spent my life compartmentalising. I was unable to control 'my community' in prison, and so I really struggled with my differences and the many years of low self esteem and attachment problems. My inability to trust, worsened by unforgivable betrayal by the criminal justice system who jailed me for a crime I didn't commit, was something I really had to look into.
So, I guess the positive thing is that I had a lot of time to really self analyse and, at the end of my sentence, after suffering PTSD from the bullying and discrimination in open, to start to talk to health professionals about my screwed up head and emotions. This I am continuing with, even though I am back to being able to control my life and community.
Another positive, probably the biggest one, is the people I met. And I don't mean the staff or officers! I met the most non-judgemental, caring and supportive people amongst the other prisoners. Women's prisons have their share of bullying and nastiness, but on the whole the women join together and form a strong alliance against the establishment. I am still in close contact with ladies I met inside, and I count them among my closest friends ever. I felt supported and cared for, especially in closed conditions.
Two years of free education was another positive. OK, so the education itself is pretty low grade, low level, but I was able to access courses I needed to renew such as First Aid, Equality and Diversity, Health and Safety etc. I have had to pay to do these in the past, so now I have up to date qualifications in the areas I need for my employment, and all for free!
I loved being able to support others. I loved using my skills, abilities and experiences to help other prisoners. From being a Peer Supporter, an Induction Orderly, a Toe by Toe Mentor, to being a Wing Rep, a Catering Rep, Employment Peer supporter, whatever I did inside I did to help others. Although it irritated the establishment (to put it mildly!), I was determined to use my brains for the good and was always there for my fellow inmates to write appeals, look up PSIs, call solicitors, go to hearings, anything I could do to stop people being discriminated against or being treated unfairly (rife in prison)
Unfortunately the negatives far outweigh the positives. It was a time in my life when I realised that I could never trust the very system put there to uphold the law, to be 110% honest and true. If prison is not totally without fault, totally fair and uncorrupt then it is a failure. Prisoners cannot learn honest behaviours when seeing daily dishonesty all around them from those trusted to care for them. In prison a prisoner cannot break the rules without being punished, however those same rules are broken daily by staff....
I now ask for everything in writing when I deal with probation etc. Too many times I have had verbal agreements or whole conversations strenuously denied by officers and staff. And of course they are always believed above the offender because they are 'professionals'
Shall I let you into a little secret?
I was in prison with MANY professionals! A judge, a police superintendent, police officers, prison officers, accountants, solicitors, teachers..... the list goes on.
The system needs to stop blindly accepting the word of POs, Governors, Offender Managers, police officers, barristers etc simply because they are professionals.
Prison is not working. Within the women's estate there is a lack of rehabilitation, a lack of real support for women leaving prison, a lack of understanding of the very different issues faced by women, often separated from children who are then cruelly removed into the care system.
It is understaffed, underfunded, filled with many low ability staff who really don't care anymore as morale is rock bottom. I did meet some good officers. They relished the chance to sit and chat with a prisoner who had awareness of politics and current affairs, they would often unload on me all the issues within the service and within their jobs. In particular there was a fantastic union rep in one establishment. He told me many things about the realities. I am sure he would be in a lot of trouble with the establishment if they knew!
Change needs to happen from the inside. But HMP hates an intelligent prisoner who points out the faults in their system. Especially when that prisoner can also tell them how to change the faults and make it work! But instead of feeling affronted and threatened, HMP should make use of these skills, freely and happily offered by a keen and active percentage of the prison population. A group of us really did try to change things for the better, but were belittled and put down at every opportunity. So it is really down to the staff on the inside to work at changing things for the better, and I will continue to fight from the outside.
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