Monday 22 May 2017

Finally Freedom... but Forever Fighting!

Four years ago, I thought I would be running for the hills when this day came.....
yet today I find myself massively involved in the criminal justice system attending more probation offices than ever before!

On May 22nd 2013 a judge remanded me in custody, prior to sentencing the next day. No pre-sentence reports for me! No time to go home and arrange support for my children (which is usual in a fraud case). I had been found guilty by a jury of my peers (well, not too sure about that) of a massively contrived fraud. After 4 years on unconditional bail and a six week trial, which had to end quickly and suddenly, as the judge had a holiday booked (!!!!)....... I was found guilty of 22/23 indictments. 

I have spent the last two nights with my family watching The Trial: A Murder In The Family, and this has unleashed some incredibly strong emotions that I have sat on for the last four years. Listening to the astonishingly prejudiced opinions of the jury members in this televised case I can only imagine the comments in the juror room during my own trial. 

A British court case is a drama; a piece of theatre. My barrister said to me that I would enjoy the theatre of my court case... knowing that I was a musical director and a theatre producer. I think that "enjoy" was too strong a word! My court case was soul destroying, corrupt, immoral, probably illegal, badly run, degrading, unethical, perfidious, need I go on?

Those of you who follow my blog will already have an understanding of my wrongful conviction. After all, I have children, albeit adults now, who are receiving those very same disability payments I was imprisoned for receiving! Confused? Yes and so was my jury! I don't hate them.... I think they were also victims of an outdated and corrupt judicial system that fails to understand human nature and assumes trust in the system.

Where am I today?

Today I finished my four year sentence. I have been out of jail for two years, on licence in the community and reporting to probation on a regular basis. I have been unable to go abroad, unable to stay away from home overnight without permission, unable to get a job without permission, it goes on and on. My first post-jail Probation Officer, now called a Responsible Officer (RO) was an utter nightmare. Due to my maintaining innocence, and the issues this causes in jail, she was determined to believe I was somehow manipulative, dishonest and bound to re-offend! (despite having never offended as I often reminded her! Dawn we really did have some discussions didn't we!) I hope I have proved to you, Dawn, over two years on licence that I really am not an offender!

When I ended up at her majesty's pleasure, my first thoughts were about how I would use my skills, to keep busy and to make sure the powers that be realised I was not a bad guy. I worked in peer support throughout my two year sentence and this has continued since returning home. 

About a year after I left jail I became involved with a charity called User Voice. User Voice believes that the fundamental issue that causes high rates of re-offending and all the other associated problems is ....

...the ‘us vs. them’ culture.

Society feels frustrated with those who re-offend repeating cycles of behaviour and not engaging with rehabilitation services. Yet people with convictions feel marginalised by society, with rehabilitation services which are often inaccessible and unhelpful and a system that doesn’t value their input. 
Whatever the truth, we won’t reduce crime unless we deal with this division. User Voice’s core belief is that rehabilitation only happens when everyone in the criminal justice system shares responsibility for transforming the ‘us vs. them’ division into real collaboration. 
Although innocent of any crime, I have the lived experience of the criminal justice system and am determined to change the system from within. 
On a personal level, my life is really good. I am marrying my partner in July. My children with additional needs are getting the financial support they are entitled to. I deferred my university place due to my youngest being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes... this has been a roller coaster!... but will be returning to my criminology studies at Sussex in September. We are all learning, slowly, to answer the door, to answer the phone, to cope with the flashing lights of a police car, to read a news report about the DWP without going into a panic attack!
The scars are there forever.... I can't forgive. But we are a family, never divided, always together. We can overcome the narcissistic attempted destruction of our family. I believe the biggest issue the prosecution had was that they couldn't destroy my family. They couldn't shake the strength we have as a unit.   
To my children.... Jordan, Perry, Eden, Brogan, Harris, Raefn, Chay and Beau.... you are my reason for living, my everything. You are my strength, my support, with you I feel whole. This is all over now.... but I know it will never be over for you. And until this conviction is overturned I will always feel I have let you down. I love you. You are my world, my reason for being. Thank you for all you have done, all you have lived through.
Next step.... the appeal.... watch this space!