On Monday my social media threw two things at me, both of which affected me on a personal level.
Firstly I was hit with the news that another performing arts mum had passed away, in her 50s and far too early. She leaves two children and a husband, and an extended family of performing children from her many years as head of a dance school. Cancer is a hateful, indiscriminatory disease, and it stole the life of someone who did so much good in this world, enabling young people to achieve and gain skills and confidence. RIP Liz, you were an amazing person and will aways be remembered. You made your mark on this world and left behind many who love you dearly.
Secondly, I was bombarded with newspaper articles about a missing girl. The headlines screamed about the need to find this young lady who "spent five years in prison for murdering her friend's boyfriend". Yet again, the emphasis from the media was on the criminal connection rather than the vulnerability of the missing person. This particular girl, I will call her X, is someone I knew very well in my time in the gated retreats. X was convicted of murder in 2010 and sentenced to life with a minimum of nine years to serve. It's a complex case. After all, she did kill someone. But is that murder? How do we determine the difference between murder, manslaughter, self defence, accident, joint enterprise......
This case focuses on domestic violence and self defence. It also encapsulates the incredible difficulties of having mental health issues and how this effects the way you deal with difficult situations. X was a 17 year old, incredibly naive, child, with very obvious ADHD and personality issues, which were all later diagnosed in jail. When I knew her she was 23 and 24, but appeared to me to still act and think like a young teenager. A prolific self-harmer, she attempted suicide on numerous occasions. Yet, whenever I saw her she would sing like a small child and sit cross legged on the tables in the library, chatting away about a cartoon film or a children's comic book.
When I read about her disappearance I used social media to contact her. And thankfully it paid off. We have chatted on and off since she was found. I quickly learnt why the media was used so quickly after her disappearance. After all, an adult who runs away, or fails to return home, isn't usually considered missing for at least 24 hours, if not longer. But in this case the missing person had escaped from being a psychiatric in-patient (something not mentioned in the papers), which didn't surprise me at all. Five years in jail would leave anyone needing psychiatric support, even though the support you are "supposed" to get in jail and afterwards on licence should negate this. This support is non-existent in today's CJS and HMP climate.
I am sure the Daily Mail readers of this world would assume that a release from prison, after a wrongful conviction, would enable the person to be happy, thankful and to simply continue on with their previous life.
WRONG!!!!!!
Prison is about addressing offending behaviours. Prison is for punishment, public protection and rehabilitation. Those who have a wrongful conviction really struggle. As I have mentioned before, maintaining innocence is very hard work and very painful in jail. How can you take part in an offending behaviour course if you don't have any offending behaviour? X was very aware that she had killed a man. She was distraught that she had killed a man. But that act happened when she was protecting herself and a friend from violence. It was never murder. How many of us would allow a man to kill us without fighting back? What a brave child she was at 17 to cope with an awful situation. I have a 17 year old son, he's just a baby, I cannot imagine how he would cope with a friend's partner attacking them and him.
X said to me today "Just had bad after bad since coming out of prison". Two and a half years after release from a wrongful conviction she is still being sectioned to a psychiatric unit. Jail effects everyone. Don't believe the right wing press about holiday camps. Jail is dire, tragic, painful, depressing, threatening, corrupt, pointless, demeaning, failing, dark, lonely and a million other adjectives; I could carry on forever.
I spent two years in jail for a wrongful conviction. That is bad enough. It broke my heart and destroyed my children while I was inside. A pointless waste of tax payers' money to incarcerate someone who was zero risk to the public. But X spent 5 years inside. And I was in my 40s, a capable and intelligent adult and parent, able to compartmentalise the situation and use and abuse the system to update my qualifications. X was a child. 17. A child.
The impact of spending time in jail is never ending. I have PTSD. I have nightmares most nights about being back inside. Being in jail for a crime you haven't commited is heartbreaking. Thankfully I have enough mental strength to cope. I have my children, my new wife, a future. But it is still so hard.
X, heartbreakingly, is still unable to cope after two years back with her family. I want to go to her and wrap my arms around her and tell her she is loved. That she matters, that I care. But why would she believe it? When a jury has found you guilty, and you have then listened to a judge summing up about just how appalling a person you are, how can you ever believe that you are not?
I am standing with Injustice Documentary to open the world's eyes to the corrupt and failing criminal justice system. I met children and adults like X many times. It needs to stop. Now.
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